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Kim's Blog |
 A few days ago, I heard about the death of someone I respected and looked up to in the coaching community. We were LinkedIn connections and had mutual connections; but we only talked once, many years ago on the phone, about a business opportunity. He was interpersonally warm, engaging, funny, curious, intelligent, and highly invested in doing good work that helped other people. He left me with a very positive impression of him and what he had to offer the world. He was not much older than 40 when he died of a terminal illness. I am stunned and of course, saddened. Whether we think about our lives, or our careers, we tend to act like we have decades to figure things out, explore our options, or stumble into something fulfilling. But the years move quickly—and the window to make career and other changes that will enhance our lives is not actually knowable. Not one of us knows how long we have. Or as my mom SO often says, “None of us is getting out of here alive!” Whether you're early in your career, or 20 to 30+ years in, this message applies: you cannot afford to drift. Drifting looks like staying in a job because it’s “fine.” It looks like waiting for opportunities to come to you rather than creating them. How many of us put off spending time reflecting about what we want, what would make us happier or more fulfilled? The truth is, most of us don’t take a truly intentional approach to our careers until we have to—when we’re burned out, laid off, or have a major life shift or health scare that forces us to reevaluate everything. But by then, the challenges involved in making a change increase in number and complexity. So, what does being intentional really mean? It means stepping back regularly and asking:
Being intentional also means getting specific. Vague goals like “I want to grow” or “I want more impact” don’t guide real decisions. But saying “I want to lead a team within the next 2 years” or “I want to transition into doing something related to this one cause I care about” gives you a direction—and at least a better start toward measuring your progress. None of this means rushing. Intentionality is about being professionally awake, actively managing your career. Paying attention. Making deliberate choices rather than default ones. Believing that you can make things better for yourself. And it’s about time. Every decade brings new priorities, responsibilities, and constraints. The longer you delay acting with purpose, the more time you will spend floundering rather than flourishing. We spend SO MUCH TIME at work, why would you want to stay miserable, stressed out, overworked, bitter or disengaged? It’s never too late to start being intentional. Today is better than next month, after the summer, or next year. Next year is better than “someday.” Ask yourself: What is one step I can take in the next 30 days that aligns my career with who I want to be and what I want to be doing? It does not have to be a big, bold step… just a step! Baby steps count. Whatever the answer is—act on it. Your future self will thank you. Please note: This entire post is written from a privileged perspective; I have enough money for clothing, shelter, food, water, and other necessities, as well as optional comforts, time off, etc. In contrast, when you work two or three jobs and have other responsibilities, you may not have time to sleep, much less “be intentional” about your career. Or, perhaps you simply live in a culture where you do not obsess about work in the same way! 😊 I welcome your comments here and/or on LinkedIn, where I will post a link to this blog entry. Thank you!
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 Years ago, and far away, my spouse and I were Assistant Professors of Psychology at campuses 135 miles apart. We bought a house in a city that was 90 miles from my campus via the Interstate and 45 miles from his campus by traveling small country roads. We were young and enthusiastic, fresh out of our internships and job searches. My spouse followed me, for which I was extremely grateful. We did not have any family members depending on us. We were encouraged, one might even say groomed, to “try academics” right out of grad school, when we had recent publications from the research we had completed with our faculty while earning our degrees. Not an ideal setup, being on campuses so far apart. But we were still grateful to have two tenure-track teaching jobs, given how competitive it was to find and secure those positions. We continued with our dual academic roles for three years, until we were no longer willing to put up with the stress and strain of it. Our challenges included not spending enough time together; not knowing any our neighbors at “home”; developing separate groups of friends from our campus communities; and wanting to someday start a family. We sought out counsel and brainstormed creative solutions, including proposing that we each hold a 0.75 FTE Psychology faculty role on my campus. That idea was quickly shot down; it was the only time I remember crying in a faculty meeting. Without tenure, we left unsaid the fact that we were aware of other “dual role relationships” that were quite unseemly, given our core values and our understanding of power dynamics. Enough said, it was time to move - and move on. The amount of change we undertook was dizzying! We picked a city to move to longer-term, gave up our tenure-track jobs without yet having other job offers, sold our house, and moved across the country. The unemployment rate in our new city was 1.4 percent, so we ended up landing on our feet in new jobs, just not in academics. I missed my students and many of my colleagues, but it was the right decision for us. Decades later, I still know it was the right decision for us. We have two adult children, great friends and neighbors, and a rich work history that has expanded our horizons in ways we could not have imagined back on campus. There are probably as many unique work-life configurations as there are academic couples! --> Are you part of an academic career couple? Or were you in the past? --> Do or did you live together, or travel extensively to see one another? --> What are/were your challenges and rewards of both being in higher education? --> What advice do you have for other academicians in, or considering, dual career situations? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Thank you! *Note that this blog post first appeared as a LinkedIn post on 4/24/25. |
