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Kim's Blog |
 Many years ago, a family I knew and admired moved across the country to pursue a great opportunity for one of the parents. It was a prestigious new role that included advanced training in their field. Their spouse also found a new and exciting role that was also a step up in leadership and challenge. Both parents thrived, until they didn’t. In this instance, she followed him. She excelled in her job as a director, overseeing several managers and their teams. Her team loved her, and she effectively led them to consistently achieve great results for the company. This couple also had two young children, long commutes, and expensive daycare with which to contend. With both parents in high-pressure jobs, it became too much. She mentioned how stressful it was to feel like she had to keep working at night, while she helped the kids get ready for bed, while on vacation, and so on. We talked about her dilemma and her options. She felt stuck. She felt like she would probably just have to quit her job. She saw no other way. She admitted that although she loved her team, the work of managing people plus her own load was adding too many hours to each week. She felt like she was missing out on so much of her children’s lives, and she wondered if it was at all worth the sacrifices she’d been making. I suggested that there might be other options to consider. We brainstormed about whether her boss or her boss’s leader might be receptive to having her shift from director back into a high level individual contributor role. The decision was hers, whether to talk with her leader or not. I mentioned that if she asked and it did not work out, at least she tried and she would know; plus, she was considering leaving anyway. She decided to ask. Her boss was highly receptive. They made it clear that they valued her expertise and did not want to lose her. Together, they brainstormed a solution and a role that would better fit her work-life needs. She made the switch and continued to enjoy working for this organization for another two years. Then it was time to move again, this time ‘back home’. * I will reference this post on LinkedIn as well. Feel free to comment here and/or on LinkedIn once it is posted there. Thanks! --Kim -- Photo by Sasha Matveeva on Unsplash
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 I recently took my father to the grocery store to buy my mother a bouquet of roses for a special occasion. This store has a wonderful small floral department and very nice employees, plus it is located close to my parents’ home, and we go there often. I found my dad a comfortable seat nearby while I placed the order. Based on my request, they created a lovely bouquet in short order, complete with baby’s breath and other greenery. They were fast! It was beautiful and within budget. One of the staff members went out of their way to come over to where my dad was sitting. They handed him the bouquet to give to mom. That’s what “made me” cry. I didn’t want my dad to see me cry, so I asked him to wait there a minute longer. Then I took a bigger-than-usual-for-me bill to the floral desk and asked if they could accept tips. After conferring with their manager, they said OK. I expressed that it meant a lot to me that the whole experience was so positive and easy, that it would mean a lot to both my parents, and that I really wanted them to know the impact of their work. From your point of view, you might wonder, “What’s the big deal here?” It was a very big deal to me because I wanted it to go smoothly, and I was nervous because my dad is no longer steady on his feet. Customer service experiences can make or break a person’s day – and your business. What did I appreciate? Convenience – Location, familiarity, and a not-too-big department near the front of the store. Responsiveness – I was worried about my dad’s energy, but they efficiently produced what I asked for. Affordability – My dad was able to pay a good amount of the total with what he had in his wallet. Extra Touches – When they brought the flowers to my dad, I choked up. Caring – I could tell that they care about their customers. They didn’t have to say so – they showed us. What customer service experiences have you had that are memorable and why? If you are in the business of customer service (aren’t we all?), how would your customers rate your business on the above elements? Can they tell you care? Do they ever cry “good” tears? 😭  One of the most enduring memories of my first pregnancy is the desperate desire I had to crawl under my work cubical and fall asleep. Could I even get down there and positioned comfortably? Could I do it and somehow be invisible? I was so tired!
I never did the cubical crawl, but I enjoyed leaving the building during my lunch break, so I could drive somewhere, eat something, and then nap in my car. Or I would take my break to sleep in the “Jim Dine Room” at work, named after the American artist whose print hung above a very lovely couch. We all need rest, and most of us are sorely “behind” on getting enough sleep and time to relax and rejuvenate. With my coaching clients, in addition to working through career and leadership challenges, we often discuss issues like self-care and balancing work with other life roles and interests. Much of the time, people prioritize the never-ending list of work responsibilities over things like taking care of ourselves, taking breaks, and enjoying activities outside of work. - - - How much space does your paid work take up in your overall life? Do you make time to rest and sleep enough at night? To what extent are you satisfied with your current work-life balance, integration, or whatever you want to call it? - - - I believe that work-life balance is still important, even as so many professionals rejected that specific phrase years ago, preferring instead to proclaim the benefits of “work-life integration”. I believe there are times in life when your paid work should not be on your mind at all. That’s my bias when it comes to one’s quality of life. In these times of unrelenting chaos and appalling displays of everything but leadership in the news, let us do what we need to do at work, but pace ourselves for the long haul. Take care – and remember the beauty of nap time! *This blog post was originally posted as a LinkedIn post on 4/3/2025. If you want to Comment on or Repost this piece of writing, please do so from LinkedIn using the link below. Thank you!  I was let go from my full time job – not laid off, just dismissed without cause – a little over a year ago. I have only been let go twice in my career. It was hard to accept, but eventually I was able to move on. These days, unfortunately, getting let go or laid off seems to be an almost universal experience. High-performing people are being let go every day with no reason and no warning, resulting in a brutal experience that cannot easily be put into context, understood, or accepted. If you have been laid off recently, there are things you can do to make the transition more manageable, if not smooth. Here are some of the phases and actions that have been common and helpful for many of my coaching clients and for me: GRIEVE – Take time to acknowledge the experience and the many feelings involved in losing your job. Let yourself feel the normal mix of emotions, including shock, disbelief, guilt, anger, sadness, and confusion. GET GROUNDED – You may be grieving for quite some time, but the pressure to move forward and face reality is also there. Before springing into action to figure out what is next, first find your footing by taking stock of the resources and people available to help you through this time. Tell the people in your life what has happened and that you are likely going to need their support and understanding for a while. Accept their offers to listen and to help. Ask for what you need. If you do not know what you need, tell them that; but still take them up on any offers of help that might ease your burden, even just a little. You do not have to go through this alone. SELF-CARE – This is something that is hard for many of us, even in good times, especially women and anyone who has multiple life roles and responsibilities that include taking care of other people. Taking care of yourself is important, always, but particularly when you are needing to heal from a big jolt like a layoff or other loss. You deserve to make time for yourself and experiment with activities that help you start to feel whole again. Some of my favorites are taking long baths, naps, and walks; reading; and spending time and laughing with friends and family. What works best for you? ASSESS – As soon as you are ready, but not sooner, begin to assess where you might want to go from here. Do you need to find another full time job? What about part time work? What types of jobs or position titles are of interest? How soon do you want/need to be back to work? Could you afford to intentionally take a longer break to do a deeper dive into what’s next? Are there professional development opportunities or skill building steps you could take while you are looking for jobs? Is your LinkedIn Profile up to date? What about your resume? Keep a journal or notebook of all your ideas, needs, the timing of activities, and who could help you move forward. NETWORK – Yes, the dreaded networking suggestion! For many years early in my career, I quickly dismissed anyone else’s suggestion that I network for what I wanted professionally. I had “gone to school forever” and believed that it should be about WHAT you know, not WHO you know. By mid-career, I had to admit that I was wrong. In my professional opinion, the two most important things in finding a job are networking and persistence! Contact people you know (friends, family, former coworkers and managers, neighbors) and people you do not yet know (in job positions and/or companies of interest), to let them know you are looking for a job. Boil down the results of your ASSESS phase, above, to develop an elevator pitch about the top two or three positions of interest to you. Make it memorable – and brief – enough that you will spring to their mind when they hear about that type of job! APPLY – Keep networking, but also start applying for jobs before you are fully ready… we never feel ready! Enlist or hire a professional resume writer if you need help describing your previous roles and professional accomplishments. Update your LinkedIn Profile, search for people on LinkedIn to network with, and contact companies of interest even if they do not currently list any job openings. Let everyone know you are looking and applying for what’s next. Keep a record of your applications, interviews, rejection emails, etc. This often feels grueling, but you also get to know yourself better – and meet new people – along the way. REPEAT – The two layoffs I endured recently were only 15 months apart, with less than a year spent in each of those roles. It sucked. As a result, I had to repeat the steps in the above process way before I was ready to go through that again! But I got through it. The sooner you realize that you are the only one who can manage your career, the better off you will be. It is up to you, but you have what it takes, and you can do hard things! Best wishes for what’s next. You got this. *This blog post was originally posted as a LinkedIn post on 3/20/2025. If you want to Comment on or Repost this piece of writing, please do so from LinkedIn using the link below. Thank you!
 Some people I work with on leadership development and career management have a hard time seeing themselves as leaders. Many of these individuals are mid- to late-career women with decades of experience and job titles that clearly denote a high level of responsibility and influence. These leaders readily share with me that they just don’t see themselves as leaders, no matter what other people or ‘the facts’ indicate. Their view of themselves somehow does not adequately match up with the characteristics that they ascribe to “leaders.” Why does their self-perception matter? If you do not see yourself as a capable leader, then you are less likely to consistently spearhead teams of people to effectively work together to get results for your organization and stakeholders. --- What about you? Do you see yourself as a leader in your paid work role, or in other roles you occupy? If so, what behaviors do you engage in that show you are a leader? What is your definition of a leader? If you do not see yourself as a leader, what are your reasons for this view of yourself? What would need to be ‘true’, or what would need to change, for you to see yourself as a leader and operate accordingly? --- There are many factors that, when present, might enable a person to view themselves as ‘leader material’. Here are a few that come to mind: POSITION TITLE – Some people have position titles that increase the chances that they are seen (and see themselves) as leaders or executives. Position or job title appears to be a straightforward indicator, but it takes some people more time in their role before they accept that they really are a leader. Matrixed organizations and other institutions vary in the titles they construct and use to designate various levels of leadership within and across functions, divisions, and industries. As a result, there is less likely to be a shared understanding of which titles denote leaders versus those that do not. INFLUENCE AND IMPACT – Each individual leader, as well as the people that surround them, may view their status as a leader based on cues like the amount of influence, impact, and responsibility that the person exhibits and exercises in their role. Some people and organizations also make a distinction between “people leaders”, “function leaders”, “project leaders”, “program managers”, etc. However, it appears that many organizations today have a broader understanding of what it means to be a leader than simply whether you lead people. PROFESSIONAL IDENTITY – Whether you see yourself as a leader or not might also be impacted by how you were raised, or socialized, into the world of work. For instance, do you identify as someone who has a job, a career, a calling, a professional identity, or none of the above? How did your parent(s) view and talk about their work when you were younger? What messages about work did you retain and carry forward, versus reject and replace with your own insights and goals for your career? In my case, my sense of career changed dramatically as I moved from lower-income farm kid to first-generation college student, to graduate student studying adult career development, to corporate manager roles and beyond. Even discussing one’s conception of career decision-making can often signal a certain level of socioeconomic and systemic privilege. What do you see as the advantages and disadvantages of having a strong professional identity? Or is this not even a concept that comes to mind when you think of your career or the leaders you know? OWNING IT – Do you ever watch some leaders at work and feel a sense of awe in how they seem to effortlessly “own” their role and command the room or situation at hand to get results? Perhaps you are someone who comfortably and consistently owns your role. When we think of other leaders and ourselves, it is easy to see how different we all are in the extent to which we embody our leadership roles, as well as the extent to which people are willing to see us as leaders and follow us. As I work with leaders, I rely on the research and writings of many experts including Herminia Ibarra. Ibarra’s book, Act like a leader, think like a leader (Harvard Business Review Press, 2015), presents actionable research on “owning it”, such as avoiding the "I need to be authentic no matter what" trap and taking results-driven action as a leader even when you don't feel like one. MODEL THE WAY – “You either lead by example or you don't lead at all” (Kouzes & Posner, 2010). This is one of the truths outlined in the book, The truth about leadership: The no-fads heart-of-the-matter facts you need to know, by James M. Kouzes and Barry Posner. In this book, these prolific authors distill their decades of research into leadership truths that include extensive evidence regarding how vital it is for each leader to model the way. --- I will ask again -- Do you see yourself as a leader? If your answer is no, then it becomes far less likely that you can own it, model the way, and exercise the levels of leadership influence and impact that lead to results for your organization, teams, and other stakeholders. Independent of your answer, there is always room for improvement and growth! What can you do tomorrow and the next day/week/year to revise and improve your conceptions and behaviors as an exceptional leader who other people will gladly follow? *This blog post was originally posted as a LinkedIn Article on 3/27/2025. If you want to Comment on or Repost this piece of writing, please do so from LinkedIn using the link below. Thank you!
 When was the last time you sat by a lake in a chair that was hard to get out of and you were happy and felt relaxed, like you had no place else you had to be, no obligations pressing on your brain? I live in Minnesota, in the northern United States, and I feel the pull of my closest lake far more often than I yield to her.
Are you working too hard? Too many hours as well? Have you gotten your vaccine(s)? Do you sleep enough? Do you remember your significant other's name?! Women's Loyalty to Employers Astounds Me As I work with my executive career coaching clients and talk to former coworkers, family members, and neighbors, I am struck by how many people are working harder than ever. There is a level of loyalty-to-employer among professional women that I see as not being in their best interests. I even see it in women who hate their jobs and/or their bosses. What is up with that? A good friend of mine once complimented me on something that many resume writing experts try to get us to avoid -- I have always changed jobs when I became unhappy with the work, the bosses, the culture, or all three. This may have made me look like a job-hopper in my first years as a new mother, but I have no regrets. Along the way, I learned a lot about myself and the world of work. I developed new areas of knowledge, new skills, and new colleagues and friends as well. Shout-out to my dear friend Marianne for calling me brave for quitting jobs! I love you! Relationships Matter Some of my all-time favorite people are the women and men with whom I worked in previous organizations. After taking time to recover from the place, I made sure to reconnect with the former coworkers I most adore. You know who you are. Thank you for being my friend all these years. Are there former coworkers you miss? Contact them and say so! Self-Care Matters Too We need to take better care of ourselves and our planet. If we cannot do it for ourselves, then maybe we can trick ourselves into saying we need to 'do' self-care so we can take care of our loved ones -- whatever works. You run the risks of feeling depleted and resentful, getting sick and burned out, if you wait to do any relaxing until after you finish up this one last big project, this one client pitch... fill in the blank here. Please be good to you. And stop working so hard!  As an Executive, Leadership, and Career Coach to women, I encourage my clients to own their strengths and to stop focusing so much on their weaknesses. However, as I write this, I am very aware of my weaknesses, including my tendency to be inconsistent with any work endeavor that does not involve direct client contact. I do better when I am meeting in real time with women, serving you based on your current challenges and aspirations.
Consistency is a good thing, particularly in terms of managing one's "brand". I would be a better steward of my brand if I cranked out something in writing every week, month, or even every quarter, like clockwork. Unfortunately, consistency is not my strong suit. Alas, heavy sigh. I find it difficult to figure out which weaknesses to work on versus letting go. To what extent is this true for you? Which weaknesses are you OK with just owning and ignoring, and which ones do you wish you could magically erase? Imperfect, Inconsistent Coping is still Coping! Please continue to take good care of yourself, remember to breathe, and reach out to people whenever it helps you to do so. Know that I am thinking about each person in my professional and personal spheres, including you. Paraphrasing what Stuart Smalley used to say on Saturday Night Live, "You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people LIKE you!"  I have been listening to a lot of music this year, mostly to keep me company while I do mundane tasks around the house. One of my favorite songs lately is Mary Chapin Carpenter's, A Place in the World.
Here are the lyrics: What I'm looking for after all this time Keeps me moving forward, trying to find it Since I learned to walk, all I've done is run Ready, on my mark, doesn't everyone Need a place in the world? Could be right before your very eyes Just beyond a door that's open wide Could be far away or in your own backyard There are those who say you can look too hard For your place in the world Takes some of us a little longer A few false starts gonna make you stronger When I'm sure I've finally found it Gonna wrap these arms all around it Could be one more mile or just one step back In a lover's smile, down a darkened path Friends will take our side, enemies will curse us But to be alive is to know your purpose It's your place in the world Your place in the world Your place in the world Source: LyricFind Songwriters: Mary Carpenter A Place in the World lyrics: Mary Chapin Carpenter, DBA Why Walk Music. I hope you are doing OK or even better, in whatever place in the world you currently occupy. I hope you and your loved ones are well, staying safe, and finding ways to stay centered or grounded.  Please know that no matter how you are feeling and responding these days to the challenges you face, you are responding normally to abnormal situations. I took the above header phrase from the second last sentence of this short Greater Good article (Q & A) with a psychiatrist: Tips for Calming Your Pandemic Stress I found this article by searching for information on how much we humans need social support. When I am feeling my worst and/or my busiest, that is when I most need time with friends. However, that is also the time when I am less likely to call people or to ask them to get together. This was true before the pandemic, and now there are new complexities and layers of weirdness attached to socializing! How about you? Has your need for time with friends and/or family changed from before the pandemic? What changes have you made in your social life during the pandemic, and are those changes working for you? If not, what tweaks could you make to be more intentional about getting your (social and other) needs met during this time? You are not alone, even when you feel alone. There are so many people all over the world who are going through the same or similar thoughts and feelings as you. I hope you are getting your social support needs met. If not, I hope you make time to reach out to people you care about, for some mutually rewarding discussions about these abnormal times.  At the beginning of the month, a teacher friend of mine was allowed back into school to retrieve the rest of her belongings from her classroom. She had not been there since mid-March of 2020. An administrator checked her into the building per their protocol, and she started walking down the hall. While walking, she just started to cry. "My body was crying, and my brain was so surprised, wondering what was happening!" She gave herself permission to keep crying and then sobbing once she was inside her classroom. She later told me, "I realized what I had taken for granted, in that school, with the students I love. My body was grieving the loss of all of that time in person with them."
In my back yard yesterday morning, my friend told me this story. After she left, I went in the house and asked Google to play, "It's Alright to Cry" by Rosie Greer, part of the 1972 Marlo Thomas album, Free to Be You and Me. One daughter liked it, the other one not so much. With the pandemic and ongoing racial injustices and racist systems, I am more aware than ever of my white privilege. I am not usually able to 'allow' myself to be sad or to feel loss for very long. But Rosie Greer is right -- It's alright to cry. Part of having self-compassion is being able to acknowledge the things we are sad about or have lost, even if we know that we have it easier than so many other people. When is the last time you cried? Caring for Yourself and Others I know you have what it takes for you to keep going in these trying times. Best wishes with your work, relationships, responsibilities, challenges, and joys. |
